The POS

Repair this

My computer just died.

The last thing it did was show me a bright blue screen that said;

"Dumping physical memory"

In response, I pulled the power and rebooted.

Then my Windows based machine started into a start up/crash cycle with the rhythm of a dyslexic teen with an affliction of Turrets competing in rhythmic gymnastics at the Special Olympics. (read: The computer will not finish it's boot up process.)

I called my favorite Indians at Microsoft and they told me no one could help me. I would have to wait until 8 AM to talk with someone that could (read: will try to) help me.

So, tomorrow will start with Microsoft Tech Support at 8 which I can only assumed will be followed by a trip to the Geek Squad at 10 when Best Buy opens. After that and I only guessing that this machine is shot and the data is gone, I will drive to Athens and be the biggest bump on a log for a bachelor party. Yeah, good times ahead.

So that's it, I'm through with Windows and it's shitty line of products that ruin people's lives. I would go out and buy a brand new Apple machine tomorrow with poker winnings, but I don't know any of my passwords to successfully transfer the money into usable funds that Apple would accept in exchange for a new computer.

Thus the dilemma, I need the data off of my old machine to get money to buy the new machine and I don't know if that's ever going to happen. Let's not even get into the hours I spent uploading my entire music catalog, all of the documents for Balloon Camp, internet bookmarks, passwords, and programmed job searches that I just lost.

I can't begin to tell you how pissed off/upset I am.

Listen to this

New music for free.

You might remember the 1998 hit Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger. They have a new album out and you can download the entire thing here for free. Not only is it free but fully sanctioned by the band. I haven't listened to it yet so don't yell at me if it sucks.

Quote this

When asked about last year's infamous "nipple slip," Tara Reid told magazine FHM,
"People act like it was the worst crime in the world. ... You would think my boob had popped out and shot Gandhi!"

I hope this is the last time the words "boob" and "Gandhi" are used in the same sentence.

Play this

In all the excitement of celery and it's effects I forgot to write about my church gig this past weekend.

This would mark the first time I had stepped foot into a church since renouncing the fundamental belief of Christianity and I was a tad nervous. I wasn't sure if there was a holy alarm system that would alert the congregation to my nonbelieving presence, or if they would simply tow my car and not pay me if they found out.

I also had a fear of being struck down by lightening in the middle of the service but that was a risk I was willing to take for the promise of a check.

The gig itself was fun. The other hired musicians were a blast. The other trumpet player makes her living as a professor of trumpet at a local college and she couldn't have been nicer. She got her Master's at UNT and I forget where she said he got her doctorate, but regardless, she can play the hell out of a piccolo trumpet.

Being the guest player, I fully expected and wanted to play the second book. I don't get to play harmony very often and as a weekend hacker sitting next to someone that makes her living as a professional musician, you want to absorb as much as possible.

After rehearsing the first chart, she asked if I would play lead on a couple of tunes. After trying to turn her down, she insisted. By the way the music we were playing wasn't your standard church type music. Some funk, some Gloria Estefan, and a few hymns for good measure. I got the funk and Gloria and she got the classical stuff and it was so much fun. At the end of the gig she asked if she could call me for gigs. Uhm.....Does the Pope wear a funny hat while shitting in the woods while listening to trees fall? Yes, yes he does.


As I hinted before, this was not your typical church gig, the first thing I heard out of the Trombone player's mouth was;

"For a Baptist church, the methadone usage is exceptionally high."

No, I'm not kidding.

With a combination of my brother being preggers (yes, I use that word to annoy you), people worried about their blog being found by their parents, and of course the grand side effect of celery consumption; I think the weekend was something.

My brother being preggers..........
Yes, this is the brother that is married to the woman that doesn't eat, touch, smell, think about, or fondle celery. No, I don't think they are aware of the positive side of celery, but if they are reading this, they will have learned something by the end of this episode.


To be completely honest, I have mixed feeling about the pregnancy.

Don't get me wrong, I am thoroughly stoked about the idea.

Reasons for being stoked.....
The parents of the impending child are happy and excited and that is the most important reason.
I look forward to babysitting.
Calling my parents "grandma and grandpa"
Being called "uncle".


Reasons I'm nervous...
I worry about my brother and his wife, but I think that just comes from being the older brother.

I am not jealous, just concerned, very happy for them but concerned.


Blogs and being found on the internet.

I think Tony summed it up nicely a few weeks ago.

Do not type ANYTHING into a keyboard that you wouldn't want THE ENTIRE WORLD to read. PERIOD. That includes instant messages, emails, and, for gawd's sake blog entries AND comments on other peopleÂ’s blogs.

And even though I write about the retail gig and haved named my employer several hundred times, he is absolutely right. I have been taking a huge risk not only with my current employer, but with a future employer as well. Thus I am in the process of editing every post I have ever written.

So, just to drive this point home, if you don't want your father to find out about

A) The vaginal bleeding you endured that stemmed from the rough sex you had with your boyfriend don't write about it on the internet, same goes for

B) The details of your bikini wax

or

C) The stripper you fucked while in Las Vegas this past summer.....wait....nevermind.


Celery..

I think we all are aware that eating Asparagus makes your pee smell.
In fact in makes your pee smell really fucking bad.

Ok, so what if there was a vegetable that made a man's sperm taste good?

I've never been on the receiving end of this, but from what I understand, eating celery greatly improves the flavor of said excrement.

So before you go out bashing another seemingly useless vegetable, think to yourself;
"What can this vegetable do for the taste of my spunk?"

Conceive this

So, I'm going to be an uncle.

Bite this

My father's father is in town and I have to work all day tomorrow so tonight was going to be the only time I would get to see him.

I got over there about 7:30 or so and had some tasty bar-b-que with the fam and I learned something interesting about my sister-in-law.

She hates Celery.

She hates the taste, smell, and texture of celery.

My brother even said about her celery hating, "There should be a Jihad on celery."

So this perked my inquisitive side, really who *hates* celery? It's such a non-assuming vegetable.

Get this, before she will take a bite out of a can of Chunky soup, but she will take the time to fish out every piece of celery. Not only will she do this for soup, but any dish that might have celery in it. Ok, to each her own, as long as she doesn't try and fish the celery out of my food.

But we uncovered a serious level of hatred. I only wish we could channel that kind of energy towards a more powerful cause. Something like fighting the existence of beets.

Later, in the course of the evening my brother (same one who is married to the celery hating woman) announced to the entire family that he recently found my blog, followed by a very positive review of it's content. While I loved the feedback he was giving, I wish he had chosen a different audience.

My parents have known about this site for some time, but I doubt that thy rarely read it for fear of what they might come across. I'm not going to change my content of what I write based on who may or may not be reading this. This is my dumping ground for thoughts, so in that spirit, here once again is the disclaimer.

The kickoff for UGA's game tomorrow has been changed from 9:00 PM to 7:45 PM.

Pork this

This story is so funny on so many levels that I don't know where to start.

I want to start with the Vegans handing out fliers about "pork alternatives".

What the fuck are "pork alternatives"?

Are "pork alternatives" specially grown green beans that taste like bacon?


Or should I start in on the detective for spying on vegans that are protesting outside of a sandwich shop off of Buford Highway?

Don't we have *dangerous* people to be spying on somewhere? Or how about working on stopping crime? Just a thought.


Note to Vegans everywhere: I respect your ways of not eating meat, I think you're crazy but I respect your ideals. But if you're going to protest the eating of meat, start somewhere where you can make a difference. Don't jump into the deep end by taking on ANY restaurant on Buford Highway.

Wash this

While I find my time at the retail gig bearable at best, I hate it when I spend 8 hours of doing nothing but standing on my feet with no customers to help the time pass.

I've done my daily crossword, my daily sudoku, checked all of the blogs multiple times, read every news site twice and now I'm standing here bored out of my fucking mind.

I've threatened taking my shirt off and burning it in the street to help stimulate business but that was met with mixed reactions.

I did pick up a church gig for Sunday so that's new and different.

Oh here's something to make you brim with pride.

Land this

If you knew that Sly Stalone had a bit part in the Woody Allen movie, Bananas, then you need to come play trivia with us on Wednesday nights.

If you saw any part of the news from 7 pm until 9 pm you know about the plane that had a crooked wheel.

When the plane finally attempted its crash landing, everyone in the bar stopped what they were doing and you could see people holding their breath in anticipation. But if you saw the news, then you saw the incredible landing and a piece of metal hold up against an incredible amount of force and physics. When the flames stopped and the plane came to a rest, the bar broke open in applause. A nice moment. I wish we had more of them.

Cook this

Meatloaf.........

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Meatloaf........


I will eat meatloaf anytime I get the chance, but you will never see me order it at a restaurant. It's one of those foods that always tastes better at home, made from scratch using Mom's recipe. Country fried steak also falls into this category, but that's for another post.

This is our meatloaf and right now it is cooking in the oven waiting to be consumed tomorrow for lunch and dinner.

2 pounds of ground beef, 85-15 seems to work the best
a can of cream of mushroom soup
one good sized onion
1/2 a sleeve of saltine crackers
1 egg

Crush saltines
mince the onion
combine all ingredients into a large bowl and mix until all well blended

Cook at 350 degrees from 90 minutes.


Trivia, wings, and beer tonight.

Dear this

Editor's note: Being that this corner of the internet is first and foremost for me, this post is more of a journal entry of something I want to remember.


Phil was at the bar Friday night and my first reaction was not, "Wow!!! There's Phil."

It was, "Holy Shit he's freakin' tall."

He is very very tall.

Quasi NBA Tall.

It should be noted, that serving my time in the hospitality industry, I've met my share of celebs. When you know they're coming, it's not a big deal. They put their pants on blah blah blah. But I've never been star struck.

But this time, I sort of was.

After seeing Phil, my first instinct was to grab a camera, push my way through the crowd and get a photo.

Then I thought better.

I took a step back and thought it through.

1) I don't and have never been *that* guy, no need to start now.

2) He *is*, after all, a graduate of the North Avenue Trade School. Do I really want a picture of me and a guy that probably painted himself yellow on game day?


"No pic needed", I thought, "I don't even need to meet him." I told myself.

I'll meet him one day because our paths will cross again.

They will cross because of my hard work.

That is when he will want to meet me.

Rock this

INXS

J.D.?

Really?

What the fuck.........

Full house this

I got nothing.

That's not true.

The only thought I had all day was actually a conversation I had with myself while at work. It went something like this;

"Would it help Bob Saget's career if he was a different race other than white?"

"No, that wouldn't help."

"Or would it?"

"If a race change was possible, which celebrities other than Bob Saget would get a race change?"


Yeah, it was one of those days.

Wrap this

Friday, September 16th

If Peter Griffin had been at The Ten High Friday night for the Modern Skirts' CD release party, he would have said;

"That was freakin' sweet!!!"

But he's a cartoon, so he wasn't there.

The show was a blast and as an added bonus, it sold out.

Special thanks to Rob, Keith, and Kit (Kitchens) for coming out to the festivities.


Saturday, September 17th

If you ran a retail store and the road that feeds your store was going to be closed during the morning hours for a community parade, would you waste the time and energy of your employees and the money of the company to have your store open?

If your name rhymes with Smingular, then of course you would. I stood there from 9 AM until noon and did nothing but surf the net, read the paper and contemplate how to kill myself with a cell phone that would leave the biggest mess for someone else to clean up. Did I mention that I'm on commission, so no customers = no money.

Seriously folks, need an event/meeting planner? I'm qualified. I'm good at it. I have great references.

After getting off work I went down to Dave and the Bean's new residence in Brookhaven to carpool to SC for a Funkle gig. The Bean and the Dave have a very cute place with lots of space.

The Funkle gig was fine, we crashed in SC and drove home today.


I went up to Publix to grab a sub for dinner. The middle aged oriental woman who made my sandwich called me "Honey" at the end of each sentence. She had an accent indicative of her heritage, so the word "Honey" came out a bit funny. It made me feel funny. Not her accent, but that fact that this stranger called me sweetie for five minutes.

Rock this

I don't like Martha Stewart, but there has been a good deal of not so good press surrounding her new home improvement show that debuted this week. So here I sit watching P. Diddy, oops, I mean Diddy, and Martha create personalized wrapping paper.

Martha hasn't changed. Her producers have designed moments in the show to make Martha look like a kind, giving person; like giving inner city kids laptop computers. Then as soon as you can say, "I have done nothing wrong" Martha makes a rude, snide comment about how the guest is doing an art project.

Then I realized that I'm watching Martha Stewart and writing about it on my day off and we quickly flip the channel to ESPN and change topics.

Tonight!!!

Radio Cult at the Peachtree Tavern.
I have a huge respect for anyone who can perform music for a living and RC does it very well. Go support this 80's rock based cover act. They don't play in town very often, so see them while you can.


Friday night!!!

Modern Skirts at the Ten High for the Atlanta CD Release party.

I know I spend a lot of time talking about them Skirt boys; and every time I do, the voice in my head changes into Waylen Jennings voicing over a Dukes of Hazzard episode. "Them boys are trapped like two foxes in a hen house with a sack fulla eggs."

Seriously, there are some record execs flying into town just to see the Skirts this Friday and the Skirts need your help. They need to fill up this club with screaming fans to help impress "the man". To help, Dave and I will be lending our talents, along with other special guests.

The Skirts, in general, are not to be missed, but this show is big.

Ten High, underneath the Darkhorse Tavern.

The Skirts start at 11:30 PM (Opener goes on at 10:30 PM)

Tax this

The next time you open your cell or landline bill take a closer look.

There is a line item on every phone bill (land line, or cell) called the Federal Excise Tax.

The Federal Excise Tax was introduced in 1898 by then President McKinney. Originally designed to be a temporary tax, it was put in place to help fund the Spanish-American war.

At the time this 3% tax was considered a "luxury tax" due to the fact that only the wealthy had telephones. But the S-A war is long over and we are still paying for it.

There are bills currently in Congress to abolish this tax. You can go here to support their actions.

Drive this

Throughout my collegiate career, I often wondered what it would be like that when I retired, had seats on the club level of Sanford Stadium, and owned and drove my very own RV to all the games.

The RV while powerful in its abilities and potential for good times, can also limit the ability of further good times. I think of it like the Genie from Aladdin.

"PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER!!!"

"itty bitty living space"

Actually the RV was freakin huge, fun to drive, and pimped out to a level that made my penis larger simply by being behind the wheel.

Speaking of growing peni, (well if I don't come out with this story, someone else will and I'd rather tell it first and on my terms) I won't lie and say that when we picked up the RV there wasn't a discussion about an RV mambo sometime during the weekend. Unfortunately the mambo turned into a late night spontaneous affair which caused someone to find new lodgings for the night. And by "new lodgings", I mean his car. And by "his car", I mean he drove to the practice field and slept in his car. He called the next day to laugh about the whole thing. Good friend that one.

Back to the RV, while it allowed for some great times, if it is your only mode of transportation it doesn't allow for much socializing unless your friends come by to see you. It also isn't very conducive for bar hopping. I heard I missed some good times downtown late after the game.

All in all, I would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever, EVER, own an RV.

But I'd rent the shit out of one.

Trump this

Contrary to the beliefs of the programming gods at NBC, I don't think Donald Trump makes good television. I think the psycho contestants the Apprentice make good TV, but not him. In a recent appearance he quoted his "Ten commandments of Business Success". I don't agree with each one, but as a whole, not too shabby.

1) Love what you do
2) Find your passion
3) Never quit
4) Stay focused
5) Be Paranoid
6) Momentum
7) Go against the tide
8) Get the best people and don't trust them
9) Be lucky
10) Word hard and get even. If someone screws you, screw them back harder.

This

I'm so tired.

I feel like a cat in a bowl and it sounds an awful lot like a deer in a dishwasher.

Or something like that.

This week I will write about the following things;

Having an RV for a football weekend with the pros and cons,
Driving Brett out of said RV at 3AM,
Modern Skirts this Friday at the Ten High in Atlanta.

But until then, check out this and this.

Chillin?

Our home for the weekend.

Predict this

Most of the time I find Jeff Schultz's column stuffed full of sports cliches. For whatever reason I enjoyed his prediction column this week.

I got an eye on you.........this

Here's an odd thought.

The contestants on the CBS show Big Brother have been cut off from the outside world for going on ten weeks. They have no access to email, television, phone, radio, newspapers, etc.

So what happens when they get out and are told about Katrina?
What if they have family or friends there?
And no one told them about this storm while you were in the house.
How pissed would you be?

Crash this

This morning, as a bar was closing up, a patron that was refused a drink crashed her car into the bar killing another woman. Click on the link here to visit the story and then click the link under the photo to watch the video.

Cult this

Sorry about the photo from earlier. Stacy and I were waiting for Brett in the parking lot and she started playing what I call, "Booty Music". The pic was of Stacy dancing in her car. El white girl dancing in her car made for a funny sight, the photo didn't do it justice.

Trivia...
Because I had to close the store, I missed the first couple of questions leaving Stacy to fend for herself with topics like Olympic Ice skating champions. As an added bonus, Brett drove down from Nashville and joined us about halfway through.

But since we didn't know what country Sir Edmund Hillary was from (New Zealand) and we didn't know that Caligula once appointed his horse to the Roman Senate, we didn't place this week. But as a consolation prize, we did have moments of brilliance. Unfortunatly, they were followed by moments of utter stupidity.

After the trivia was finished we headed back to watch the recent incarnation of the Redcoat Band Video. The main reason for watching the video was the three minute tribute to Bawcum, which was done very well.



Yesterday Bambi and members of her new band volunteered to help collect items for Katrina relief. She sent me a funny email that I feel compelled to share with you all as a public service announcement.

When donating items for the Hurricane Katrina survivors, please keep in mind that most of them don't have electricity right now. Though appreciated, donations of things such as dish soap for electric dishwashers are not needed. In fact, neither are fabric softener sheets. And most importantly, in spite of what you might think, soft core porn is NOT a necessity of life.

And speaking of Bambi, the new band is out in full force. The new act is called Radio Cult and you can check out their website here. I saw them a few weeks ago and had a great time. Fantastic music with a funfilled show sprinkled on top. They aren't playing Atlanta again this month, but I think they will be back in October.

Watch this

Thanks to a heads up from Mike, I just watched the 2005 DCI finals on ESPN2.

I'm not sure which was the odder experience, watching DCI on ESPN2 or The Cadets' freaky ass show.

Today was the first day in a week that I didn't have to set foot in the retail gig and let me say, wow it was nice.

Instead I spent it doing something I hadn't done in over a year. I sat behind a desk and worked. It was slightly surreal.

Explanation; I did some menial but needed data entry work for Dave over at the WAC. I got paid well, had a nice lunch with an old friend, and he got some bullshit off of his overcrowded plate. Win-win if you ask me.


I've been slack with the posts recently, working to much will do that, plus I haven't been really motivated to write. I guess it's just a little lull.

Last week I had the hands down worst customer I have ever had. It's a pretty good story, it's just going to take me some time to get the story just right, maybe I'll do that tonight.

Oh, I almost forgot, the world can do without this.

I found this t-shirt site off of a link at dooce.com. The site contains some awful but mainly hysterically funny t-shirts. If you are sensitive about national disasters, rape, beastiality, religion, murder, necrophilia, the war in Iraq or sex; I would encourage you NOT to click THIS LINK.

Note: As I spell checked this entry, I said outloud; "Oh! Necrophilia is spelled with an "e" and not a "y"."

Ever wonder what retail employees do when there are no customers?

R.I.P.

This is sad on multiple levels.

Game Day

I didn't see it last night but evidently Rapper Kanye West went off script during the live NBC telethon broadcast. He said America is set up "to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off as slow as possible." Pu-lease.

In other less volatile news..............GO DAWGS!!!!

Rainbow Push this

Fair warning, in this post I am going to infer that Jesse Jackson is a loud mouthed racist. But some of you already knew that.


Jesse, Jesse, Jesse...

Jesse, Jesse, Jesse...

I loved you on Saturday Night Live. Your reading of Green Eggs and Ham became an instant classic moment. But since that moment you have said some down right stupid things.

Take today for instance. Here's a bit from the AP wire.

"Jackson questioned why Bush has not named blacks to top positions in the federal response to the disaster, particularly when the majority of victims remaining stranded in New Orleans are black: "How can blacks be locked out of the leadership, and trapped in the suffering?"

Uhmmm....Did Jackson just say that only blacks can help blacks?

Correct me if I'm wrong.......and I'm not, but isn't this segregation?
Only one race can help another?

Well shit, if that's the case, I'm sure Jackson doesn't want any of the white man's tax dollars to help the black man in New Orleans.

This is a tragedy that is just starting to become a reality in my brain. It took me about a week to process 9-11, I didn't believe that it happened and it's the same way with this tragedy. I couldn't comprehend that it happened until recently.

But can we wait until the survirors are fed, hydrated, and relocated to safe shelters, before our "leaders" start pointing fingers and being petty?

You want a good example of why I don't trust government entities in any shape or form?

Read this, the editorial references an email that I'm working on getting my hands on, but I think after reading the op-ed, you'll get the picture of what the email said.

Reserve this

Did you hear the one about the hurricane refugees living in the hotels of Tallahassee, Florida?

They are getting kicked out of the hotels so that the reservations of the FSU fans can be honored.

Pump this Part deux

Here we are; a few hours after every gas station I passed had a line out of it feeding into the street making normal suburban rush hour traffic close to unbearable. Way to go Snobb County!!!

Last night, I had to talk one person into making the drive to join us for trivia. Assuring her that (Yes, Virginia) there would be gas the next day. There was another person worried she was going to get stuck in Athens after driving up today.

The knee jerk reaction that happened yesterday was funny; not funny ha ha, just funny. I thought the masses running to the pumps and further worsening our position was comical and surreal at the same time. Before you jump all over me, Yes, I did fill up yesterday, but it was during my lunch hour before the mass rush on the pumps happened and the Honda needed gas.

Here are a few things to consider from the overnight news.
1) The Feds are going to tap the oil reserves.
2) The EPA has relaxed some of the fuel standards. This will help with the costs and the supply.
3) The pipe lines that feed Atlanta are pumping, albeit at 25-40%, but they are working. And there are some very smart people working on the problem.

Bottom line: This whole situation is new and uncharted territory for most of us. Let's not be like our Ga Tech brethren and feed the hysteria. As a smart person once said; "This too shall pass."

But on the other hand,to quote Dennis Miller; "That's just my opinion, I could be wrong."

The best team name from last night; "Gasoline, the new crack."